I'm pretty sure my To-Do list procreates in the middle of the night.

EEEK!  Day 5 of the 19 day blogging spree!  Yes, it's your nightly reminder, pretty please go vote... please?  I'll love you forever!  Or, at least think kindly of you with a smile!!!  ;)  >>>>>>

I almost forgot to write tonight.  Not because I didn't want to, but because I was absorbed in different things.  Jason's been deployed now 8 weeks, and I feel like I'm still missing my rhythm, my balance.  I'm still struggling to prioritize between my work, my kids, my house and my sanity.  They don't always walk hand in hand.

Days are slipping by easily and the to-do list only seems to grow, adding an item here or there, but not checking off the ones that came before it.  Yes, I know, it's life, and I get that, but there's something so daunting about a list that just doesn't seem to stop growing. It's like that plant in Little Shop of Horrors, and I just imagine it trying to eat me, screaming "Feed me, Seymour!!!"

The damn thing is winning.

First thing tomorrow?  Mark something off.  Anything.  Heck, maybe I'll put down "get out of bed and put kids on bus" on the list just so I have the joy of marking the box. Yes, that's sounds like a great idea.

In reality?  It's the last full day of school that the big three have, so Brody and I will spend the day running last minute errands and stocking the house up with food like a natural disaster is coming.  I really hate summer, but that's the subject of tomorrow's blog.  I'd hate to spoil the fun.

Every day I wake up and I'm thinking, "today is the day I show this list who's boss.  Today is the day I slay the To-Do dragon!"  Like I'm all:

And then I break the deck on the riding lawn mower, and it's stuck on on the corner of my lot, and cars are driving by (because we live on the main street in the village), and I look like a clueless girl under a riding mower with two boys staring perplexed at their mom.... because I am.  This is the crap that keeps me from getting my to-do list done.  So at the end of my well-intentioned day, it's already midnight, and I glance over my list and tomorrow's activities, and yes, it's multiplied AGAIN.  

Soooo, now the mower is broken, but hey, I got the darn thing back into the garage.  I now have to add "figure out what the heck you did to the John Deere" into my list.  Yay.  The list of things I need to get done and the hours in my day just aren't adding up.  If I don't find my balance point soon, this deployment is going to eat me alive.  

Balance point?  Where is the balance?  Where is the schedule I so long for?  The perfectly timed dinners, and dishes done before the counters can clutter?  Where is my methodical laundry system, my getting up early at 6 to squeeze another run in?  Where is the undisturbed hour to write, edit, review MS's?  Where is the time to make 200 cake pops for our FRG and organize everything? Where is the time to joyfully play with the kids because the rest is done?  

Hmmm.

The to-do list has taken my time and just devoured it. 

Yeah, that's me, tugging at my sanity, screaming "GIVE IT BACK!!!" like I was one of my boys being tormented by an older brother.  Sheesh.  

Point here is, school is out for summer this week, and the days will get even more hectic with boys to entertain and clean up after.  Cleaning the house while the boys are home for summer is like trying to nail jello to a tree.  Doesn't work too well.  There's gear to buy for hockey camp, care packages to make, hotels to book, trips to plan for other camps, hiking trips, and anything else I can think of to keep these four from going all Survivor and voting each other off the island.  

I'm giving myself two weeks.  That's it.  Two weeks into this summer I'd better have this schedule-thing down, or things are going to start slipping through the cracks, and everything is too important to let slip.  Alas, let the plate-spinning begin.  

I got this.  Right?  Right.  Yeah.  This time, I mean it.  Totally. 

Two weeks from now, I'll still be blogging on the 19 day spree, and it's going to be all sunshine and rainbows... you know, because wooded forest creatures are going to show up and start scrubbing my floors. 

Yeah.  I think not.  

So yes, I am in search of balance, and knocking out that to-do list, because I know that once all four boys are home all day during the summer, fighting, adventuring, tracking in dirt, eating the entire contents of the refrigerator in two days, it's going to look more like: 

Wish me luck.  

2 Giveaways and Author Interview with Lost and Found's Lori Otto!

Good morning!  I'm so excited to bring you my interview with Lori Otto, author of the new series Lost & Found!

Have a peek at this super fun read:

This is the beginning of an atypical romance.

When artist Nate Wilson falls in love, he falls hard.  The problem is, he's only been in love once, and the girl of his affections is his best friend, Emi Hennigan.  In high school, the two bonded over painful breakups, and swore off a relationship to save their friendship.  Thirteen years later, Nate has had more than his share of emotionally-unfulfilling relationships with beautiful women to distract himself from his true romantic feelings.

When a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity takes Nate away from his friend and his comfortable lifestyle, he is forced to reflect on the distinct void that Emi's absence leaves in his life.  To Nate's surprise, Emi has a similar experience; but as friends embark upon their journey toward happiness together, destiny reveals other plans for Emi.

Author Bio:

After graduating from the University of Texas at Arlington in 1997 with a Bachelor's Degree in Communications, Lori Otto worked in the billboard industry for ten years.  Frustrated with trying to communicate entire messages in "seven seconds or less," she decided to leave outdoor advertising and return to her love of creative writing.  

Huge thanks to Lori for sitting down with me to answer a few questions!!!

Hey there Lori!  It was such a fresh perspective to have a romance written from mostly a male perspective.  What inspired you to write the first chapter in Emi's POV and then switch to solely Nate's?

Hi there, Rebecca!  Thank you for letting me visit your blog!  The three book series was initially supposed to be one book with three separate narrators.  The story just kept growing, though, and the book became three books.  The series is actually "bookended" with chapters from Emi's point of view.  She is also the narrator of the second book. 

Initially, Lost and Found was solely narrated by Nate, but after the first few read-throughs, I realized I wanted people to have a sense of where Emi's head was during this time in her life.  Because they hid their feelings from one another so much in this first book, I wanted the reader to know that she did have romantic curiosities about her best friend.  I added the first chapter, and was very pleased with the result.  

What was the hardest part about writing from a male perspective?

Honestly, it doesn't feel any different than writing from a woman's perspective.  I liken it to acting... it's just a role you play, and when it's just human nature and human feelings that are involved, I really feel that we all feel the same sorts of things.  Men just don't typically express them quite like women do.  And I'll say, I think I write men the way women want them to be - and not so much the way they are. 

I did have to ask some of my guy friends some uncomfortable questions a few times, but they were very helpful in helping me better understand the male physiology.

I know when I'm writing, songs will stick a chord with me, and I find myself hitting "repeat" while writing a scene.  With Nate's love of the indie music scene, were there any songs you fell into while writing?

I listened to a lot of Sia, Zero 7, and Jose Gonzalez when I wrote Lost and Found.  There were so many songs that I hadn't paid much attention to, but while I was listening and writing, I really began to understand the songs more... and so many of them really fit in with the book.  For this book, the one song that really stands out though, is Sting's "I burn for you."  IN my head, I can hear the music playing throughout the time Nate and Emi spent together on New Years Eve at the end of the book. 

Writing brings some late nights and early mornings.  What's your pick-me-up beverage of choice?

I drink Diet Coke if I'm at home.  I do like chai tea lattes, too... and hey, so do Nate and Emi! ;)

The cliffhanger!  My poor heart!  When can we expect to see book 2?

Your poor heart doesn't have to wait!  That would be torturous!  All three books are already out.  I really had to finish the series before I felt okay with releasing the first book into the wild.  There were too many pivotal points woven into the three books that they all needed to be locked down before publishing.  Time Stands Still is next in the series and it's narrated by Emi.  The third book is called Never Look Back (There's also a free prequel called Not Today, But Someday.  It follows Emi and Nate through their first week of friendship in high school.  You get a little more insight into their characters. Since it was actually written after the series, it's not imperative that you read it first.)

Thank you so much for letting me stop by your blog!  Happy Reading!

It was my pleasure to have you!!!  

Check out the giveaway below, and if you'd like to buy the Lost & Found series, here are the links!

Book 5  

Book 1

Book 2 

Books 1-3

On Barnes and Noble!

On SmashWords!

a Rafflecopter giveaway a Rafflecopter giveaway

Big changes and little men.

Ah, day 4 of the 19 day blogging spree!!!  If you get a sec, go vote for Military Mom Blog of the year!  No, seriously, go do it, because this is a collection of women who hold it down on the homefront, and a click is an easy thing to do!  ;)  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Today, my oldest "graduated" elementary school.

Don't get me started on the insanity of graduating anything younger than high school, but I loved getting to see him perform his concert at the same time.  Also, starting middle school at 5th grade annoys the crapola out of me.  Come on, 5th grade, and he'll have a locker, a 9 period schedule and no recess?  UGH.  Okay, back to the happiness of his ceremony!!!

The gym was insanely loud, and Brody was up past nap time.  Because his seizures are triggered by sleep deprivation, I always stress when he misses nap, but there are some things I'm willing to test his limits for.  Aaron's ceremony was definitely one of them.  Now, sitting through an hour long graduation with a temperamental, nap-deprived pre-schooler?  That's something else.

Aaron marched in, took his place on the risers and immediately swept his gaze across the bleachers, passing over us a dozen times.  I watched panic settle in over him until he found us about five minutes into the program.  Nothing like watching your little man visibly relax just because they see you there.

Once the principal started the ceremony, she called down 8 special children to lead the pledge of allegiance, and Aaron was one of them.  It caught me off-guard, only because he hadn't told me about it.  It took me a minute to figure out why he was chosen, why they all were chosen.

None of them had a dad there.

They were all deployed.

The realization sucked the air from my lungs, and the beauty of the moment was replaced with a moment of sheer anger.  Jason should have been there.  He should have seen Aaron sing, and play the recorder he's been torturing us with at home.  Jason should have seen Aaron's smile when his teacher called his name, and watched him shake hands with the principal as he got his certificate stating that he'd finished elementary school.  He missed it.  I know it killed Jason to miss it, and it made me unreasonably angry.  This is our life, what we signed up for.  We both knew what it entailed, but sitting there alone, without Jason to share a "aren't we proud" glance at our firstborn, it felt so bittersweet and slightly empty.  Jason missed his first day of school this year because he was TDY at a school.  He's missing the last day of elementary school because he's deployed, and he'll miss the first day of Aaron's middle school next year.  Add that to missing Chase's first day of kindergarten this year, and Brody's first day of pre-K next year, and the time away starts to add up quickly.

And the kids are losing.

But when it comes to our boys, we do our best NEVER to let it show.  No, we smile, even though parts of us are shriveling into unrecognizable, bitter little pieces, because we want them to be happy.  So I sucked up my little pangs of heartache, took pictures, recorded video, hugged my guy, and took him home, our little soon-to-be-middle-schooler.  When Aaron told me that he wished Daddy was there, and that sad little look came over his face, I pulled him close and told him that Daddy wanted to be there more than anything, and it was the truth.  But, at the same time Aaron was walking across that gym floor, Jason was up flying over Afghanistan.

Again, sometimes these kids just get the short end of the stick.

They're so strong, these military kids we raise.  He bounces right back every time, but I can admit I'm scared that one day he won't.  But today he did, full of smiles, giggles, and tales of how awesome the lunches are at the middle school.  Sigh.  Apparently packing him paleo lunches isn't quite so fashionable at the oh-so-cool middle school.  Man, his smile just kills me every time.

So congrats to our first-born, our amazing Aaron Jason.  He's the guy who's been with me since our first deployment started when he was a little over 5 weeks old.  He's been through every up and down with me, and he's growing into such an amazing little man.  Gorgeous too, though I'm pretty biased.  ;)  He's smart, and a book-worm like his mama, but thank God he gets his sense of humor from his dad.  No, Mom still does not find bodily functions funny, especially as revenge on a brother.

Congrats, baby.  You're going to rock middle school next year.